Sunday, December 11, 2011

Goals

This semester was all about balance for me.  It's often a challenge to make choices about how to use my time, and I don't anticipate that getting any easier.  But here's a check-in with the goals I set at the beginning of the semester:

"Ask someone (or multiple someones) out on a date."  Well, hm, this went a little differently than I expected.  I now have a boyfriend, which did involve some asking on my part, but I didn't exactly do much to change the dating culture at EMU, which was the original purpose. Let's just say I'm pretty happy with how this turned out, but the goal of getting to know people more intentionally still stands.  

"Dumpster dive!!"  Only a few times, but yes!  Getting random ingredients from the dumpster inspires me to be more creative with cooking.  I'm looking forward to more of this next semester.  


"Spend just as much time in other people's apartments as my own."  Not even close.  

"Meet some freshmen/transfers."  Mmm, yeah, a few.  Still, not eating in the caf very regularly means there's a much bigger percentage of people I don't even recognize than in previous years.  


"Do crazy awesome research."  Got some water sampling data and finally feel like that project is on its feet and I know what I'm doing.  Also, killed some goldfish in the name of science.  


"Find and apply to some internships for next summer."  Gahhh.  I've looked.  And I've been overwhelmed.  The problem is that I want an internship in order to help me find out what I'm interested in (or not), but a lot of them are such specific projects that you kind of have to know going in what you want to do.  Anyway, I'm hoping to have more time to devote to this during Christmas break.  

"Cook at least five completely new dishes."  Oh yeah.  Success.  


"Get involved in one new thing on or off campus."  EMSWA (Eastern Mennonite Student Women's Association) is one of the highlights of my week.  It's just great.  And I've been semi-involved in a few other new things too.  


"Make time for God."  Not really.  I should probably write God into my planner.  


"Give freely."  Not sure how to evaluate this one, but again, I'd most likely say not really.  The good thing about not meeting all my goals is that I still have something to do with the rest of my life...

Saturday, December 3, 2011

"This Is Water"

The first week back at school after Thanksgiving break, I was feeling very little motivation to do my work and stay engaged.  I spent a lot of time doing what I like to call "destressing activities," like cooking, knitting, journaling, and listening to music.  I'm more into the swing of things now, and my workload seems manageable (just turned in a big paper for biochem and now starting to work on a race and gender project that actually has me excited).  I still can't quite believe that the semester is just about over.  I'm glad to wrap things up, but I'm also intimidated by next spring's classes and I'm wondering what other new things spring semester will bring, as I'm always surprised by how different each semester is.   Something that's been weighing on me is the thought of finding an internship for this coming summer, but I haven't been able to put enough time into looking/applying yet.  

At the encouragement of a friend I watched David Foster Wallace's commencement speech at Kenyon College in which he talked about learning how to avoid our "default" settings.  We experience everything through the first person, through our own personal lens, which gives us the idea that we're the center of the universe, and we have to be pretty intentional if we're going to act like we truly believe that's not the case.  When I was feeling all disenchanted with school, it struck me as silly to get caught up in my meaningless assignments and obligations.  I went to a vigil for the International Day of Solidarity with Palestine that only reiterated that there are so many more important things to worry about that any of what I have going on.  In a way, this was me justifying my lack of desire to get things done, and obviously, me caring less about homework is not going to bring about change in the world.  Still, it's a valid concept.  How do we think outside of ourselves in a more constructive way?  It's selfish for me to complain about my own little problems, but I don't really know how to be selfless.  And I'm not sure what the balance is between being content with things as they are and wanting to do something more.  

Anyway, life is good, at least for me right here right now.

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Synapse

What I've been thinking about lately: 

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Old Beginnings

I'm sitting here crying.  For one thing, one of my very good friends left for South Africa this morning.  But more than that, I just keep thinking about how this time last semester, I was aboard that bus.  I was feeling that crazy mix of excitement and nervousness and happiness and unpreparedness that a whole new group of people is feeling right now.  I am very much looking forward to this semester, but I think I'd rather go back to Guatemala any day of the week.  And while I know I always can go there again, I still have trouble believing that I've already gone and come back and here I am.

This is going to be a year with quite a few adjustments, which is weird considering being here on campus is supposed to be what's normal, comfortable, easy.  Probably the biggest change is that I'm in an apartment, which means lots and lots of little details have to be worked out among the four of us.  It also means I'm somewhat removed from the kind of campus life I'm used to, so I'll have to make a point not to live in a bubble.  I'll also be doing research for the first time, and not just one project but two!  I'm a little stressed out by that thought, but I guess if research is in my future I might as well figure out now if it's something I enjoy or am even able to do.  Along with the science-y stuff, I'm taking a couple classes just for fun, plus the last class I need to finish my Spanish minor.  When I had that class for the first time yesterday, I realized just how long it's been since I've been in a Spanish-speaking frame of mind.  I could understand everything perfectly well, but my first instinct was to respond in English.  Anyway, these are just my thoughts from the first two days, so I'm sure I'll eventually fall into a routine that I can manage.

Goals for the year:
Ask someone (or multiple someones) out on a date.
Dumpster dive!!
Spend just as much time in other people's apartments as my own.
Meet some freshmen/transfers.
Do crazy awesome research.
Find and apply to some internships for next summer.
Cook at least five completely new dishes.
Get involved in one new thing on or off campus.
Make time for God.
Give freely.

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

I Guess This Is How It's Gonna Be

My aunt Lise and uncle Wahba came to visit for a few days this week. We were chatting in the kitchen on the day they got here, and Lise asked me if I feel like I've readjusted to life back in the States. Let's just say I'm about as readjusted as I'm ever going to be. Some observations:
  • Immigration news carries so much more weight for me now than it did before. I used to have a "position" on immigration laws, but truthfully they were just one more headline to skim over and forget. Before we left for Guatemala/Mexico, Byron, one of our group leaders, would occasionally send articles to us, but it wasn't until I got back that I found myself reading about these issues, understanding them, and actually caring about what I read. On a related note, it's now way more annoying when people DON'T understand or DON'T care. Especially if they then choose to make comments and advertise their ignorance. 
  • Spanish makes me very happy. I'm about half way through the novel Malinche by Laura Esquivel, which is of course weird but still good practice. I wish I had more opportunities to speak Spanish though, because while I could easily hold decent conversations with my class or my family in Guatemala, here I feel awkward even using the small amount of Spanish that I am able to at work. 
  • The "Mexican" food aisle at the grocery store has never been more thrilling. Refried BLACK beans, horchata and jamaica drink mixes, corn tortillas, corn flour in case I ever want to make my own tortillas, and mole sauce! I just about died. I also managed to find plantains and queso fresco, so I'm all set to try my hand at cooking the classic desayuno chapin (Guatemalan breakfast).  :D
  • I get the feeling that my life here is quite shallow.  My interactions, my day-to-day activities don't seem very meaningful.  When I hang out with friends, we do the same things we always did, but instead of enjoying myself fully I'm thinking that I'd rather have a conversation about something that actually matters. 

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Something I Like Quite A Lot

From Gracias by Henri Nouwen:
I am a small part of life, a human being in the midst of thousands of other human beings. It is good to be young, to grow old, and to die. It is good to live with others, and to die with others. God became flesh to share with us in this simple living and dying and thus made it good. I can feel today that it is good to be and especially to be one of many. What counts is not the special and unique accomplishments in life that make me different from others, but the basic experiences of sadness and joy, pain and healing, which make me part of humanity.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

What's Your Reason?

A few thoughts on why I chose the title I did for this blog...

At the end of last semester, when I created my blog, I was very frustrated by the divergence between my ideal and my reality.  I felt as if I hadn't taken enough initiative in relationships, in the activities and issues that I care about, in life in general.  I tried to write a post about it then but all I could get out was some rambles, a quote from The Reason for God by Timothy Keller (Sin "is seeking to establish a sense of self by making something else more central to your significance, purpose, and happiness than your relationship to God."), and this sentence: I have such a desire to live for something, to take hold of each day with purpose and intention.  

Looking back at it now, I still feel inadequate.  I'm still struggling with my faith.  I'm still wondering how I can act on what I believe and bring about change rather than just intending to.  Especially after my semester in Guatemala and Mexico, I feel more than ever the urgency to work for justice in a world where there's so little of it!  But I also have a strange sense of peace.  I'm not gonna lie, I tend to get uncomfortable when people go crazy with talking about God and quoting Bible verses and such like, but here's the thing: I want to work for justice and I want it to stem from a crazy passion for Christ!  I want God to be my reason, my significance, my purpose, my happiness.  Please keep me accountable. 

Friday, April 22, 2011

Return Home

It's a strange feeling, having multiple homes. 
My homes are not the same amount of home, but
my heart is confused. 
I cannot wait to once again
     drive the familiar streets of Indianapolis,
     see the city lights at night. 
to once again
     eat a slice of my dad's bread,
     pick a tomato from our garden. 
     Colby Jack cheese. 
I long for the familiarity of
     my own music,
     the rest of my clothes,
     showers and toilet seats. 
I'm ready to
     serve myself food in the exact amount I want,
     drink tap water,
     wear shorts, and
     sing in harmony.
But I can picture myself not knowing what to do,
being someone old yet someone new. 
I can see myself wandering the grocery store
in search of platanos and frijoles. 
I can hear myself blurting out phrases in Spanish. 
When I take a walk, where are the dogs and the people on their porches and the schoolchildren and the "ts-ts-ts"?
Where are the vendors and the guards and the pasarelas?
Why does a dollar seem like so much money?
I feel blessed to have been born in the U.S. of A,
blesses to have a home to return to there. 
It's just...
something is calling me
to keep traveling, keep searching, keep learning. 
And maybe someday I'll have ten more homes to love. 

Monday, April 4, 2011

Free Travel!

Just got back yesterday from ten days of free travel!  My group (Anna, Kiersten, Rachel, Cody, and myself) started out with a bus ride at 6 am to Rio Dulce, which is on the east coast of Guatemala. Our ride was punctuated by two evangelists talking about the devil and the end of the world as well as a bunch of different vendors. We found a great cafĂ© in Rio Dulce, run by a Swiss guy and patronized by a crowd of drunk European retirees who told us all the best sights to see. When I asked the one woman about canopy tours, she misheard me and was about to start telling me where to find cannabis. Yeahhh, those weren't the last interesting travelers we met. So we ended up seeing a really cool castle, complete with underground tunnels, that was built to defend against pirates.  We also spent a morning at a place where hot waterfalls run down into cold pools.  It was fantastically refreshing in the heat, plus there were caves behind the waterfalls that we explored a little. 

After Rio Dulce, we took a boat to Livingston, which has a whole different feel.  It's a community of Garifunas, or descendents of the blacks who were brought to be slaves back in the day.  It's a very caribbean culture, and it was a whole different side of Guatemala.  We met an old Garifuna guy who gave us a tour of the "real" Livingston, which may or may not have been a scam.  But either way, it was interesteing to hear him talk about how all the aid goes to the Mayas while the blacks live in poverty.  He pretty much knew everyone in the whole black part of town, and I enjoyed hearing people speak Garifuna.  We also met a group of students from Canadian Mennonite University, who had sort of been following us from place to place (and had stayed briefly at CASAS).  They spent last semester on a road trip across Canada and then were doing study abroad this semester.  In the evenings we played a lot of cards and just hung out.  I really liked the fact that there wasn't exactly nightlife in Livingston, but that people sat around outside stores and houses and just talked. 

After Livingston, we headed up to Placencia, Belize to hang out on the beach.  It was still super hot, so it was nice to swim and relax in our hammocks.  I got stung by a jellyfish while swimming, but just peed on it and it was all good.  ;)  One day we went snorkeling and saw all kinds of cool fish and coral and crabs!  Placencia had more nightlife than Livingston, but it was surprising that the bars weere mostly full of retired gringos who live there now.  It's almost as if the tourists and retirees are a whole different community from the natives.  It was strange to hear so much English (although there was some Creole as well).  I was glad for the time to relax, but I found myself missing Spanish and Guatemala City.  It was very exciting to come back and hear stories from everyone's week!  Today we rested and had orientation for the leg of our journey in Chiapas, Mexico, which strangely enough also begins with a bus ride at 6 am. 


Friday, March 25, 2011

And... A Few More

Our time in Guatemala City is officially over; yesterday we took our last Spanish exam and today we all said goodbye to our families.  Even though we still have about a month left, it kind of feels like cross-cultural is over already.  It's going to be hard to go back to living out of a suitcase again after being settled in one place for so long!  I'm going to miss my host mom as well as just the bustle of living here in the city and taking the bus every day.  But we're leaving early early tomorrow morning for free travel and all sorts of new adventures!  :)
hammocks are such a great invention
we had a great view from the roof of our hotel by Lake Atitlan
Spanish class!
Mapa en Relieve, which shows the geography of the whole country (on the right you can kind of see Volcan Pacaya, which is the one we climbed)
fresh fruit all the time :)
mi colonia (my neighborhood)
me with my host mom Olga

Monday, March 14, 2011

A Few Random Pictures

view of the plaza between the cathedral and the presidential palace
this rose is replaced every day as a sign of the ongoing "peace" that Guatemala enjoys
national cemetery: one one side, huge family tombs and on the other side, cubbies where you can keep your loved one for 7 years
city dump: every day people come to sort through the trash to try to find something salvageable
a widows' cooperative near Chichicastentango
one of the many ruins at Tikal
Catholic church in Santiago with figures dressed in a Mayan fashion

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Halfway!

Sorry I have done such a poor job of updating.  This week was pretty much finals week for our first Spanish class.  Not a whole lot of fun but way less stressful than having five different finals to worry about.  I can definitely tell I've made progress with Spanish though.  It's still hard to understand when a lot of people are talking or when people don't speak clearly (which happens a lot), but I was able to understand almost all of a sermon this past Sunday without using a headset for translation.  We had learned last week about the Neo-Pentecostal movement here, so on Sunday some of us visited Casa de Dios, one of several Neo-Pentecostal megachurches in the city.  It was kind of like a concert and kind of like youth convention.  The pastor, "Cash" Luna (no joke), talked about loving our neighbors.  He used the example that we sometimes have a favorite piece of jewelry that we keep apart from the rest because it's so special.  In the same way, each person is one of a kind so we need to love them all accordingly.  Or something.  Right before the offering Cash talked about God's mercy vs. God's justice.  He said we only want God's mercy when we do something bad, but when we do right we want justice, we want to be rewarded for it.  And he said, GOD IS JUST.  You will receive in relation to what you give.  It's an interesting theology, a bit different from the reality that so many Guatemalans face.  Apparently back when this movement was starting, a bunch of Catholics left their church because they thought it focused too much on the poor and they liked this way of thinking a little better.  I'm used to hanging around for usually quite some time after church, but as soon as the service was over, people were outta there.  Hmm, what else...  This weekend, a few of us tried and failed to go to a discoteca.  That'll have to happen another time.  Byron came over and met my mom, and we had a nice long conversation after he left.  I feel a lot more at home with her now, but it just depends on the day how much we talk.  I found out that another guy who's studying at CASAS but is not with our group is living with someone just down the street from me.  I love taking the bus every day!  On the way to school I pass a huge mall, some awesome grafitti, soccer fields, and an enormous thrift store that I've visited a few times.  It seems like not too long ago that I was terrified of not being able to recognize my stop, but it's great to more or less know what I'm doing now.  One day my Spanish class visited the University of San Carlos and talked a bit with students there just as practice.  One the bus ride back, I fell into some guy's lap when the bus jerked forward.  :P  Anyway, I hope that's enough to keep you busy for a while.

Monday, February 14, 2011

EMU Blog

For this week's update (and if you want to know more about the things I haven't written about here):
http://emu.edu/now/crosscultural/2011/02/17/mayan-spirituality-and-culture/

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Accostumbrarse

I am finally falling into a routine here.  I can take the bus by myself and I am starting to feel more at home with my host mom.   Honestly, I had been expecting a family, but as it turns out I just have a host mom, Olga.  She's Catholic, she sells cleaning products, she knows some words in English.  She has two kids who each have kids so there are occasionally other people in the house, plus sometimes neighbors or other friends come over. 


Today we climbed a volcano and roasted tropical-flavored marshmallows in its heat.  :)

Monday, January 31, 2011

New

Whelpsk, I´m a little overwhelmed by everything here.  So much that´s new and different.  Crowded buses and colorful markets.  Visiting the huge presidential palace and then seeing my host mom´s earrings being stolen from her ears as we walked.  My host mom Olga has been very hospitable, but even the simplest of interactions takes so much more effort in Spanish.  When people are talking directly to me, I can usually understand pretty well, but when Olga had her relatives over or when we went out with the neighbors and everyone is talking, I tend to get tired of trying and tune it out. Anyway, I´m trying to learn to laugh at myself and take it all in stride.  More later.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Borderlands

I used to think that I was just going on cross-cultural to Guatemala.  Yes, there were things tacked on the ends of the semester, but I sort of wrote them off and didn't think much about the time I'd spend on the border and in Chiapas.  Silly me.  This week has been a huge experience.  Not to mention that it feels like way more than a week has passed. 

To put it plainly, I might as well have known nothing about immigration before coming here.  We've heard so many different perspectives on why immigration happens and how to respond to it, but it'll be a while before I can sort it all out in my head.  The hardest part is, there isn't anyone besides ourselves to blame: the policies are ours and the border wall is ours!  Throughout this week, I've been able to see the sheer humanity of everyone involved.  The border patrol and the migrants alike are just trying to do their jobs in order to support their families.  Joel shared an e.e. cummings poem during orientation that I thought really spoke to this.

     Me up at does
     out of the floor
     quietly Stare
     a poisoned mouse
     still who alive
     is asking What
     have i done that
     You wouldn't have

In addition to learning about some of the issues, we've been trying to put ourselves in the place of the migrants.  One day we bought groceries for three meals on a maquila (factory) salary.  Another day we hiked through the thorns and brush of the desert and climbed up on the border wall.  Still, it's obvious that we can never know what immigrants really face.  When we climb the fence, it's a joke; when we hike the desert, it's in daylight and in the middle of winter.  We've gone back and forth between the U.S. and Mexico several times now, and it's ridiculous how easily we, as American citizens (and mostly white), can cross.  We spent one afternoon in the very tourist-oriented city of Nogales, and instead of being discriminated against because of our race, we stick out like a sore, rich thumb.  I've been trying to pick up on the culture and trying to use my Spanish, but I can't exactly blend in no matter what I do.  So yeah, it's been eye-opening!  There's so much more we could learn here, but I'm excited to see how this all ties in with what we'll learn and do in Guatemala and Chiapas. 

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Anticipation

Only one week left until I leave!

These things scare me:
  • Forgetting something I need.  I know there's going to be a store right across the street, but packing light makes me nervous.  
  • Not having access to my computer, my music, my phone.  A little pathetic maybe, but it's true. 
  • Being awkward with my host family.  Or offending them by accident. 
  • Not getting along with my host family for some other reason.  Like, if they're super religious or super loud or super some-other-thing-I-can't-tolerate-all-that-well-for-long-periods-of-time.  
  • Not using my Spanish as much as I could for fear of sounding dumb.  And then coming back not fluent. 

P.S.  If anyone wants to mail me something while I'm in Guatemala, go right ahead!  :)  Just be aware it may take a while to get there, so plan ahead.  Here's the address:
       CASAS
         Ruth Maust
         Apdo. 11, PerifĂ©rico, zona 11
         Ciudad de Guatemala, Guatemala