A few excerpts from the speech I gave at my high school graduation:
- "I'm a Mennonite, so most but not all Catholic teachings are in line with my beliefs. Because of that, BCHS has been able to both challenge and foster my faith.... I was encouraged to take what I could from Catholic teaching and at least be open-minded about the rest.... BCHS helped me develop a sense of openness to a diversity of ideas, which I'm sure will be a valuable asset in my future. In addition... I've gotten into numerous debates during the past few years here, which, in my perspective, helped define and clarify my views of what's right and wrong."
- "When I first came to Bishop Chatard, I was a shy little thirteen-year-old.... I was the only one to come here from my middle school, so I really didn't know anyone. And, contrary to what you might think, I didn't try very hard to get to know anyone. I wasn't involved in anything, and I don't think I went to a single Chatard event that year. As time went on, I got to know more people. Somehow they welcomed me despite my lack of initiative in the relationships. Little by little, I became more involved. As I look back now, it's hard to imagine how different I was and what my life was like before I knew all these awesome people!"
- "[T]he changes I've gone through have laid a solid foundation for my future. Now I know who I want to be in college. I definitely will not be that shy freshman again!"
It's odd to look back at those statements after four years. The changes (and even the relationships, the open-mindedness, and the inclusion) that seemed so significant then pale in comparison to what's happened since then. Seriously, I thought it was an accomplishment that I stepped out of my comfort zone and went to prom. Ha.
My seventeen-year-old self would be surprised to see who I've become: perplexed by my grayscale theology and morality, shocked at my adventurousness, intimidated by my womanhood, and skeptical of my priorities. As hard as it may be for us to understand each other, even now I recognize (sometimes to my frustration) parts of her and parts of the awkwardly shy, just-barely-a-teenager girl in myself. I see more clearly who I want to be in life, but I am perhaps less sure of how. In the words of my wise friend Tessa, "But sometimes I feel like less than I thought I would be, and also more than I imagined I could be." (How do you begin to make sense of the feeling that the world is both bigger and smaller than you thought, and mostly just more complicated?) Makes me wonder if real-world-Ruth will look back at me and laugh!
Anyway. This blog post was supposed to be about what a weird concept it is that I'm living at home (that is, having my parents' house be home) for what could be the last time. So much for that.