Phoenix 2013

Every two years, Mennonite Church USA holds a week-long convention.  This summer's convention is being held in Phoenix, AZ, beginning on July 1st.  I grew up going to these conventions with my family, and later, my youth group.  The most recent one (Pittsburgh) was the first I had missed in as long as I can remember, so my last one was Columbus in 2009, when I was fresh out of high school.  At that time, I had an opinion on immigration but not much to back it up.  I had very little awareness of church politics.  I would have called myself a supporter of gay rights, but I had no openly LGBTQ friends.  I hardly knew what Pink Menno (http://www.pinkmenno.org/) was until convention week was over.

Four years later, much has changed.  Now I've spent time on the US/Mexico border and in Central America learning about immigration, its causes, and the lives it impacts.  After having attended a Mennonite college, I'm more in tune with various struggles within the church.  And this time around, I'm attending convention with Safe Space, EMU's club for support, advocacy, and dialogue among people of all sexual orientations.  We'll be working alongside Pink Menno to create inclusive spaces and to foster storytelling as a means of understanding one another.

Convention is quickly approaching, and I'm hopeful for what will happen there.  I look forward to connecting with people and seeing firsthand the intersection of several big topics I care tremendously about.  I'm a little hesitant too though.  From the friends of mine who went to Pittsburgh two years ago, I heard a lot about how tiring/angering/saddening a week it often was, how frustrating it was when even in "conversation rooms" people refused to listen.  I pray for patience and an open heart for myself, and for everyone there may it be a week of learning, reconciling, loving rather than shoving our opinions down each other's throats.  That would be ideal.

Cross-Cultural Continues

This past weekend, between hitting up Guanajuato, a huge Mexican grocery and restaurant (Indianapolis people, they have massive tortas for $4.  Do it.), going to church in Spanish, stopping in at a Latino festival, and visiting a largely Hispanic indoor market, I found myself wishing my Spanish and/or cultural bravery were not so rusty.  How easily I forget what it feels like to be a minority or to fumble around in a language that's not my own.  Even in these places, how easy it is for me to use English and know that someone else will compensate.  And how easy it is to come back to the rest of Indianapolis, to the familiar, to where I don't stick out.  :/

Home?

So here I am, the summer after graduating from college.  Another transition, and of course it's not quite like any I've had before.

A few excerpts from the speech I gave at my high school graduation:

• "I'm a Mennonite, so most but not all Catholic teachings are in line with my beliefs. Because of that, BCHS has been able to both challenge and foster my faith.... I was encouraged to take what I could from Catholic teaching and at least be open-minded about the rest.... BCHS helped me develop a sense of openness to a diversity of ideas, which I'm sure will be a valuable asset in my future. In addition... I've gotten into numerous debates during the past few years here, which, in my perspective, helped define and clarify my views of what's right and wrong."
• "When I first came to Bishop Chatard, I was a shy little thirteen-year-old....  I was the only one to come here from my middle school, so I really didn't know anyone. And, contrary to what you might think, I didn't try very hard to get to know anyone. I wasn't involved in anything, and I don't think I went to a single Chatard event that year. As time went on, I got to know more people. Somehow they welcomed me despite my lack of initiative in the relationships. Little by little, I became more involved. As I look back now, it's hard to imagine how different I was and what my life was like before I knew all these awesome people!"
• "[T]he changes I've gone through have laid a solid foundation for my future. Now I know who I want to be in college. I definitely will not be that shy freshman again!"

It's odd to look back at those statements after four years.  The changes (and even the relationships, the open-mindedness, and the inclusion) that seemed so significant then pale in comparison to what's happened since then.  Seriously, I thought it was an accomplishment that I stepped out of my comfort zone and went to prom.  Ha.  

My seventeen-year-old self would be surprised to see who I've become: perplexed by my grayscale theology and morality, shocked at my adventurousness, intimidated by my womanhood, and skeptical of my priorities.  As hard as it may be for us to understand each other, even now I recognize (sometimes to my frustration) parts of her and parts of the awkwardly shy, just-barely-a-teenager girl in myself.  I see more clearly who I want to be in life, but I am perhaps less sure of how.  In the words of my wise friend Tessa, "But sometimes I feel like less than I thought I would be, and also more than I imagined I could be."  (How do you begin to make sense of the feeling that the world is both bigger and smaller than you thought, and mostly just more complicated?)  Makes me wonder if real-world-Ruth will look back at me and laugh!  

Anyway.  This blog post was supposed to be about what a weird concept it is that I'm living at home (that is, having my parents' house be home) for what could be the last time.  So much for that.  

Catholicism

I went to mass in Harrisonburg for the first time today, at Blessed Sacrament Catholic Church.  It was a small gathering, maybe 20 people, most of them little old ladies.  It's funny, I was always fairly neutral about going to a Catholic high school, but since I've been in college I've appreciated it more and more.  Being exposed to that tradition for four years has allowed me to step into masses in Guatemala, Austria, and now downtown Harrisonburg with ease, to have a general idea of what's going on, and thus to feel comfortable there.  I find it strangely soothing to be a part of the whole ritual of mass every once in a while, and today was no different.  I got to meet a number of the old ladies afterward, and they were welcoming and full of compliments.  I might go back next week.  :)

Last Things

It's finally beginning to sink in that this is the end.  The end of 16 years of school, the end of a formative college experience, and the end of a stage of life.  Coming back from spring break I felt as if the semester absolutely could not be over quickly enough.  I was tired of school and ready to move on to something different, something bigger than EMU.  I kept saying, I know I'll miss EMU after I'm gone, but I can't even come close right now.  I've only regained a small bit of motivation since then, but I no longer have the burning desire to get out of here!  It's funny how you can almost feel nostalgic for a place even before leaving it.  Mostly it's the realization that this group of people will never again share this space in quite the same way.  Sigh.  I'm really excited about what the next year (and beyond!) will hold, but it's hard to envision how the relationships I've formed over the past four years will change.  I decided a couple weeks ago that I'm doing PULSE next year, which basically involves working with a nonprofit and living in an intentional community house in Pittsburgh.  Funnily enough, I do have an EMU friend who will also be doing the program!  Anyway, what I'm trying to get at is that EMU is a wonderful place with wonderful people, and I just wish I didn't have all this homework to distract me from enjoying all my last things here to the fullest.  ;)  On another note, there have also been some firsts for me here at the end, like going salsa dancing at the Artful Dodger, helping to plan a church service at The Table, and winning at a murder mystery dinner party!  So here's to all the other firsts and lasts coming up in the next month!

A Week in Not-Constantinople

Four friends and I spent our senior spring break in Istanbul!

First view of Istanbul from the sky was already beautiful!

The easiest thing to describe is probably the sightseeing we did.  Beforehand I'd only done some very brief internet searches for what to do in Istanbul, so I hardly knew what the big sights were until I saw them.  Once we dropped off our luggage at our hostel, the first thing we did was take a walk along the coast.

Our hostel was about a two-minute walk away from the Hagia Sophia and Blue Mosque, which was quite convenient, both for visiting them and for finding our way back home.

Hagia Sophia during the day

...and at night

Inside Hagia

In the courtyard of the Blue Mosque

Blue Mosque interior

I felt an incredible sense of awe inside the Blue Mosque when we visited on our first full day.  From then on, there was something about the hearing the daily calls to prayer, something about stepping inside a mosque and just sitting, that made me really happy.

Inside a second mosque

Some of the other things we saw were Galata Tower and Galata Bridge, the spice market and grand bazaar, the constant stream of people through Taksim Square and Istiklal Street, a huge cistern, and the modern art museum.

Galata Tower, another useful landmark

Spice market!

Bosphorus Bridge at night

A protest happening near Taksim, something to do with Chavez's death

Constantine Column

Serpentine Column, with the Obelisk in the background

Chora Church

Inside Chora

Cistern

One of my favorite things was climbing on top of the old city walls and looking out in every direction.  Felt like we were on top of the world.

One day, we took a ferry to the biggest of the Prince Islands, which are technically on the Asia side of the city.  The island had a huge amount of green space and a weird mix of well-kept mansions and run-down, overgrown areas.

Jellyfish!

On the way back from the island

At the beginning of the week it felt like break was going way too quickly, but by the end we couldn't believe how much we had done.  It was cool to get a sense of different parts of the city, but a week was certainly not enough time to actually get to know Istanbul.  We'd take a different way back to our hostel, then  somehow end up one street over, realize we had never seen any of it before, and when we'd get back on track we had no idea how we got from one place to the other.  I really enjoyed wandering around though, stumbling upon markets and shops and art galleries that I'd never have known were there.

Exploring...

We ate a lot of street food over the course of the week.  Sadly, I didn't find anything that lived up to the Austrian version of Turkish kebap.  :/  The fanciest meal we had (testi kebab) was meat and veggies cooked in a clay jar that they light on fire and crack open right in front of you.  We also tried raw meat and raki (a rather disgusting anise drink), and frequently enjoyed sipping tiny cups of tea and smoking nargile.

All in all, it was a week full of surprises.  Meeting fellow travelers is always fun, and our group was a blast.  I enjoyed people's hospitality and little cultural differences like seeing men walking down the street with linked arms.  I got a kick out of practicing my one Turkish sentence "Adam yiyor." (The man eats.) on some shopkeepers who had tea with me and Julia.  By the end of the week, though, I was more than ready to leave behind the countless men yelling "compliments" at me and/or claiming to be my boyfriend.  Strangely, I did hear quite a few times that I look like I could be Turkish (minus the pink hair).  One of the best things about the week was that we had no agenda, so if we felt like doing nothing but sitting and journaling or reading or sketching, we simply did.  So now that I've come back to school and once again have my computer and planner and looming assignments to manage, I am even less motivated than before.  But!  It was a highly unforgettable week!  And I got to cross "Go to Turkey" off my bucket list.  So I really can't complain.  

Our hostel

The adjoining restaurant, our main hangout

Ohh adventures.  :)

Familiarity

And just like that, my last semester of college is already well under way.  EMU feels to me now like a comfortable old shoe.  It's so easy to slip back into the routine here, but I also know I'm outgrowing it and it will soon be time to move on.  What's hit me more than ever in these first couple weeks back on campus is the weight of growing up.  Not so much in the sense of needing to know what comes next or how to enter the real world, but simply the reminder that life is challenging and confusing and we'll never quite figure it out and isn't that the point, navigating it the best we can?  A question I keep coming back to is how to recognize that I'm not going to get it all just right and then to have grace for myself.  I'm not very good at it.  But in any case, I'm looking forward to seeing how the semester plays out.