Old Beginnings

I'm sitting here crying.  For one thing, one of my very good friends left for South Africa this morning.  But more than that, I just keep thinking about how this time last semester, I was aboard that bus.  I was feeling that crazy mix of excitement and nervousness and happiness and unpreparedness that a whole new group of people is feeling right now.  I am very much looking forward to this semester, but I think I'd rather go back to Guatemala any day of the week.  And while I know I always can go there again, I still have trouble believing that I've already gone and come back and here I am.

This is going to be a year with quite a few adjustments, which is weird considering being here on campus is supposed to be what's normal, comfortable, easy.  Probably the biggest change is that I'm in an apartment, which means lots and lots of little details have to be worked out among the four of us.  It also means I'm somewhat removed from the kind of campus life I'm used to, so I'll have to make a point not to live in a bubble.  I'll also be doing research for the first time, and not just one project but two!  I'm a little stressed out by that thought, but I guess if research is in my future I might as well figure out now if it's something I enjoy or am even able to do.  Along with the science-y stuff, I'm taking a couple classes just for fun, plus the last class I need to finish my Spanish minor.  When I had that class for the first time yesterday, I realized just how long it's been since I've been in a Spanish-speaking frame of mind.  I could understand everything perfectly well, but my first instinct was to respond in English.  Anyway, these are just my thoughts from the first two days, so I'm sure I'll eventually fall into a routine that I can manage.

Goals for the year:
Ask someone (or multiple someones) out on a date.
Dumpster dive!!
Spend just as much time in other people's apartments as my own.
Meet some freshmen/transfers.
Do crazy awesome research.
Find and apply to some internships for next summer.
Cook at least five completely new dishes.
Get involved in one new thing on or off campus.
Make time for God.
Give freely.

I Guess This Is How It's Gonna Be

My aunt Lise and uncle Wahba came to visit for a few days this week. We were chatting in the kitchen on the day they got here, and Lise asked me if I feel like I've readjusted to life back in the States. Let's just say I'm about as readjusted as I'm ever going to be. Some observations:

• Immigration news carries so much more weight for me now than it did before. I used to have a "position" on immigration laws, but truthfully they were just one more headline to skim over and forget. Before we left for Guatemala/Mexico, Byron, one of our group leaders, would occasionally send articles to us, but it wasn't until I got back that I found myself reading about these issues, understanding them, and actually caring about what I read. On a related note, it's now way more annoying when people DON'T understand or DON'T care. Especially if they then choose to make comments and advertise their ignorance. 

• Spanish makes me very happy. I'm about half way through the novel Malinche by Laura Esquivel, which is of course weird but still good practice. I wish I had more opportunities to speak Spanish though, because while I could easily hold decent conversations with my class or my family in Guatemala, here I feel awkward even using the small amount of Spanish that I am able to at work. 

• The "Mexican" food aisle at the grocery store has never been more thrilling. Refried BLACK beans, horchata and jamaica drink mixes, corn tortillas, corn flour in case I ever want to make my own tortillas, and mole sauce! I just about died. I also managed to find plantains and queso fresco, so I'm all set to try my hand at cooking the classic desayuno chapin (Guatemalan breakfast).  :D

• I get the feeling that my life here is quite shallow.  My interactions, my day-to-day activities don't seem very meaningful.  When I hang out with friends, we do the same things we always did, but instead of enjoying myself fully I'm thinking that I'd rather have a conversation about something that actually matters. 

Something I Like Quite A Lot

From Gracias by Henri Nouwen:

I am a small part of life, a human being in the midst of thousands of other human beings. It is good to be young, to grow old, and to die. It is good to live with others, and to die with others. God became flesh to share with us in this simple living and dying and thus made it good. I can feel today that it is good to be and especially to be one of many. What counts is not the special and unique accomplishments in life that make me different from others, but the basic experiences of sadness and joy, pain and healing, which make me part of humanity.

What's Your Reason?

A few thoughts on why I chose the title I did for this blog...

At the end of last semester, when I created my blog, I was very frustrated by the divergence between my ideal and my reality.  I felt as if I hadn't taken enough initiative in relationships, in the activities and issues that I care about, in life in general.  I tried to write a post about it then but all I could get out was some rambles, a quote from The Reason for God by Timothy Keller (Sin "is seeking to establish a sense of self by making something else more central to your significance, purpose, and happiness than your relationship to God."), and this sentence: I have such a desire to live for something, to take hold of each day with purpose and intention.  

Looking back at it now, I still feel inadequate.  I'm still struggling with my faith.  I'm still wondering how I can act on what I believe and bring about change rather than just intending to.  Especially after my semester in Guatemala and Mexico, I feel more than ever the urgency to work for justice in a world where there's so little of it!  But I also have a strange sense of peace.  I'm not gonna lie, I tend to get uncomfortable when people go crazy with talking about God and quoting Bible verses and such like, but here's the thing: I want to work for justice and I want it to stem from a crazy passion for Christ!  I want God to be my reason, my significance, my purpose, my happiness.  Please keep me accountable. 

Return Home

It's a strange feeling, having multiple homes. 
My homes are not the same amount of home, but
my heart is confused. 
I cannot wait to once again
     drive the familiar streets of Indianapolis,
     see the city lights at night. 
to once again
     eat a slice of my dad's bread,
     pick a tomato from our garden. 
     Colby Jack cheese. 
I long for the familiarity of
     my own music,
     the rest of my clothes,
     showers and toilet seats. 
I'm ready to
     serve myself food in the exact amount I want,
     drink tap water,
     wear shorts, and
     sing in harmony.
But I can picture myself not knowing what to do,
being someone old yet someone new. 
I can see myself wandering the grocery store
in search of platanos and frijoles. 
I can hear myself blurting out phrases in Spanish. 
When I take a walk, where are the dogs and the people on their porches and the schoolchildren and the "ts-ts-ts"?
Where are the vendors and the guards and the pasarelas?
Why does a dollar seem like so much money?
I feel blessed to have been born in the U.S. of A,
blesses to have a home to return to there. 
It's just...
something is calling me
to keep traveling, keep searching, keep learning. 
And maybe someday I'll have ten more homes to love. 

Free Travel!

Just got back yesterday from ten days of free travel!  My group (Anna, Kiersten, Rachel, Cody, and myself) started out with a bus ride at 6 am to Rio Dulce, which is on the east coast of Guatemala. Our ride was punctuated by two evangelists talking about the devil and the end of the world as well as a bunch of different vendors. We found a great café in Rio Dulce, run by a Swiss guy and patronized by a crowd of drunk European retirees who told us all the best sights to see. When I asked the one woman about canopy tours, she misheard me and was about to start telling me where to find cannabis. Yeahhh, those weren't the last interesting travelers we met. So we ended up seeing a really cool castle, complete with underground tunnels, that was built to defend against pirates.  We also spent a morning at a place where hot waterfalls run down into cold pools.  It was fantastically refreshing in the heat, plus there were caves behind the waterfalls that we explored a little. 

After Rio Dulce, we took a boat to Livingston, which has a whole different feel.  It's a community of Garifunas, or descendents of the blacks who were brought to be slaves back in the day.  It's a very caribbean culture, and it was a whole different side of Guatemala.  We met an old Garifuna guy who gave us a tour of the "real" Livingston, which may or may not have been a scam.  But either way, it was interesteing to hear him talk about how all the aid goes to the Mayas while the blacks live in poverty.  He pretty much knew everyone in the whole black part of town, and I enjoyed hearing people speak Garifuna.  We also met a group of students from Canadian Mennonite University, who had sort of been following us from place to place (and had stayed briefly at CASAS).  They spent last semester on a road trip across Canada and then were doing study abroad this semester.  In the evenings we played a lot of cards and just hung out.  I really liked the fact that there wasn't exactly nightlife in Livingston, but that people sat around outside stores and houses and just talked. 

After Livingston, we headed up to Placencia, Belize to hang out on the beach.  It was still super hot, so it was nice to swim and relax in our hammocks.  I got stung by a jellyfish while swimming, but just peed on it and it was all good.  ;)  One day we went snorkeling and saw all kinds of cool fish and coral and crabs!  Placencia had more nightlife than Livingston, but it was surprising that the bars weere mostly full of retired gringos who live there now.  It's almost as if the tourists and retirees are a whole different community from the natives.  It was strange to hear so much English (although there was some Creole as well).  I was glad for the time to relax, but I found myself missing Spanish and Guatemala City.  It was very exciting to come back and hear stories from everyone's week!  Today we rested and had orientation for the leg of our journey in Chiapas, Mexico, which strangely enough also begins with a bus ride at 6 am. 

And... A Few More

Our time in Guatemala City is officially over; yesterday we took our last Spanish exam and today we all said goodbye to our families.  Even though we still have about a month left, it kind of feels like cross-cultural is over already.  It's going to be hard to go back to living out of a suitcase again after being settled in one place for so long!  I'm going to miss my host mom as well as just the bustle of living here in the city and taking the bus every day.  But we're leaving early early tomorrow morning for free travel and all sorts of new adventures!  :)

hammocks are such a great invention

we had a great view from the roof of our hotel by Lake Atitlan

Spanish class!

Mapa en Relieve, which shows the geography of the whole country (on the right you can kind of see Volcan Pacaya, which is the one we climbed)

fresh fruit all the time :)

mi colonia (my neighborhood)

me with my host mom Olga