This semester was all about balance for me. It's often a challenge to make choices about how to use my time, and I don't anticipate that getting any easier. But here's a check-in with the goals I set at the beginning of the semester:
"Ask someone (or multiple someones) out on a date." Well, hm, this went a little differently than I expected. I now have a boyfriend, which did involve some asking on my part, but I didn't exactly do much to change the dating culture at EMU, which was the original purpose. Let's just say I'm pretty happy with how this turned out, but the goal of getting to know people more intentionally still stands.
"Dumpster dive!!" Only a few times, but yes! Getting random ingredients from the dumpster inspires me to be more creative with cooking. I'm looking forward to more of this next semester.
"Spend just as much time in other people's apartments as my own." Not even close.
"Meet some freshmen/transfers." Mmm, yeah, a few. Still, not eating in the caf very regularly means there's a much bigger percentage of people I don't even recognize than in previous years.
"Do crazy awesome research." Got some water sampling data and finally feel like that project is on its feet and I know what I'm doing. Also, killed some goldfish in the name of science.
"Find and apply to some internships for next summer." Gahhh. I've looked. And I've been overwhelmed. The problem is that I want an internship in order to help me find out what I'm interested in (or not), but a lot of them are such specific projects that you kind of have to know going in what you want to do. Anyway, I'm hoping to have more time to devote to this during Christmas break.
"Cook at least five completely new dishes." Oh yeah. Success.
"Get involved in one new thing on or off campus." EMSWA (Eastern Mennonite Student Women's Association) is one of the highlights of my week. It's just great. And I've been semi-involved in a few other new things too.
"Make time for God." Not really. I should probably write God into my planner.
"Give freely." Not sure how to evaluate this one, but again, I'd most likely say not really. The good thing about not meeting all my goals is that I still have something to do with the rest of my life...
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Saturday, December 3, 2011
"This Is Water"
The first week back at school after Thanksgiving break, I was feeling very little motivation to do my work and stay engaged. I spent a lot of time doing what I like to call "destressing activities," like cooking, knitting, journaling, and listening to music. I'm more into the swing of things now, and my workload seems manageable (just turned in a big paper for biochem and now starting to work on a race and gender project that actually has me excited). I still can't quite believe that the semester is just about over. I'm glad to wrap things up, but I'm also intimidated by next spring's classes and I'm wondering what other new things spring semester will bring, as I'm always surprised by how different each semester is. Something that's been weighing on me is the thought of finding an internship for this coming summer, but I haven't been able to put enough time into looking/applying yet.
At the encouragement of a friend I watched David Foster Wallace's commencement speech at Kenyon College in which he talked about learning how to avoid our "default" settings. We experience everything through the first person, through our own personal lens, which gives us the idea that we're the center of the universe, and we have to be pretty intentional if we're going to act like we truly believe that's not the case. When I was feeling all disenchanted with school, it struck me as silly to get caught up in my meaningless assignments and obligations. I went to a vigil for the International Day of Solidarity with Palestine that only reiterated that there are so many more important things to worry about that any of what I have going on. In a way, this was me justifying my lack of desire to get things done, and obviously, me caring less about homework is not going to bring about change in the world. Still, it's a valid concept. How do we think outside of ourselves in a more constructive way? It's selfish for me to complain about my own little problems, but I don't really know how to be selfless. And I'm not sure what the balance is between being content with things as they are and wanting to do something more.
Anyway, life is good, at least for me right here right now.
At the encouragement of a friend I watched David Foster Wallace's commencement speech at Kenyon College in which he talked about learning how to avoid our "default" settings. We experience everything through the first person, through our own personal lens, which gives us the idea that we're the center of the universe, and we have to be pretty intentional if we're going to act like we truly believe that's not the case. When I was feeling all disenchanted with school, it struck me as silly to get caught up in my meaningless assignments and obligations. I went to a vigil for the International Day of Solidarity with Palestine that only reiterated that there are so many more important things to worry about that any of what I have going on. In a way, this was me justifying my lack of desire to get things done, and obviously, me caring less about homework is not going to bring about change in the world. Still, it's a valid concept. How do we think outside of ourselves in a more constructive way? It's selfish for me to complain about my own little problems, but I don't really know how to be selfless. And I'm not sure what the balance is between being content with things as they are and wanting to do something more.
Anyway, life is good, at least for me right here right now.
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Old Beginnings
I'm sitting here crying. For one thing, one of my very good friends left for South Africa this morning. But more than that, I just keep thinking about how this time last semester, I was aboard that bus. I was feeling that crazy mix of excitement and nervousness and happiness and unpreparedness that a whole new group of people is feeling right now. I am very much looking forward to this semester, but I think I'd rather go back to Guatemala any day of the week. And while I know I always can go there again, I still have trouble believing that I've already gone and come back and here I am.
This is going to be a year with quite a few adjustments, which is weird considering being here on campus is supposed to be what's normal, comfortable, easy. Probably the biggest change is that I'm in an apartment, which means lots and lots of little details have to be worked out among the four of us. It also means I'm somewhat removed from the kind of campus life I'm used to, so I'll have to make a point not to live in a bubble. I'll also be doing research for the first time, and not just one project but two! I'm a little stressed out by that thought, but I guess if research is in my future I might as well figure out now if it's something I enjoy or am even able to do. Along with the science-y stuff, I'm taking a couple classes just for fun, plus the last class I need to finish my Spanish minor. When I had that class for the first time yesterday, I realized just how long it's been since I've been in a Spanish-speaking frame of mind. I could understand everything perfectly well, but my first instinct was to respond in English. Anyway, these are just my thoughts from the first two days, so I'm sure I'll eventually fall into a routine that I can manage.
Goals for the year:
Ask someone (or multiple someones) out on a date.
Dumpster dive!!
Spend just as much time in other people's apartments as my own.
Meet some freshmen/transfers.
Do crazy awesome research.
Find and apply to some internships for next summer.
Cook at least five completely new dishes.
Get involved in one new thing on or off campus.
Make time for God.
Give freely.
This is going to be a year with quite a few adjustments, which is weird considering being here on campus is supposed to be what's normal, comfortable, easy. Probably the biggest change is that I'm in an apartment, which means lots and lots of little details have to be worked out among the four of us. It also means I'm somewhat removed from the kind of campus life I'm used to, so I'll have to make a point not to live in a bubble. I'll also be doing research for the first time, and not just one project but two! I'm a little stressed out by that thought, but I guess if research is in my future I might as well figure out now if it's something I enjoy or am even able to do. Along with the science-y stuff, I'm taking a couple classes just for fun, plus the last class I need to finish my Spanish minor. When I had that class for the first time yesterday, I realized just how long it's been since I've been in a Spanish-speaking frame of mind. I could understand everything perfectly well, but my first instinct was to respond in English. Anyway, these are just my thoughts from the first two days, so I'm sure I'll eventually fall into a routine that I can manage.
Goals for the year:
Ask someone (or multiple someones) out on a date.
Dumpster dive!!
Spend just as much time in other people's apartments as my own.
Meet some freshmen/transfers.
Do crazy awesome research.
Find and apply to some internships for next summer.
Cook at least five completely new dishes.
Get involved in one new thing on or off campus.
Make time for God.
Give freely.
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
I Guess This Is How It's Gonna Be
My aunt Lise and uncle Wahba came to visit for a few days this week. We were chatting in the kitchen on the day they got here, and Lise asked me if I feel like I've readjusted to life back in the States. Let's just say I'm about as readjusted as I'm ever going to be. Some observations:
- Immigration news carries so much more weight for me now than it did before. I used to have a "position" on immigration laws, but truthfully they were just one more headline to skim over and forget. Before we left for Guatemala/Mexico, Byron, one of our group leaders, would occasionally send articles to us, but it wasn't until I got back that I found myself reading about these issues, understanding them, and actually caring about what I read. On a related note, it's now way more annoying when people DON'T understand or DON'T care. Especially if they then choose to make comments and advertise their ignorance.
- Spanish makes me very happy. I'm about half way through the novel Malinche by Laura Esquivel, which is of course weird but still good practice. I wish I had more opportunities to speak Spanish though, because while I could easily hold decent conversations with my class or my family in Guatemala, here I feel awkward even using the small amount of Spanish that I am able to at work.
- The "Mexican" food aisle at the grocery store has never been more thrilling. Refried BLACK beans, horchata and jamaica drink mixes, corn tortillas, corn flour in case I ever want to make my own tortillas, and mole sauce! I just about died. I also managed to find plantains and queso fresco, so I'm all set to try my hand at cooking the classic desayuno chapin (Guatemalan breakfast). :D
- I get the feeling that my life here is quite shallow. My interactions, my day-to-day activities don't seem very meaningful. When I hang out with friends, we do the same things we always did, but instead of enjoying myself fully I'm thinking that I'd rather have a conversation about something that actually matters.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Something I Like Quite A Lot
From Gracias by Henri Nouwen:
I am a small part of life, a human being in the midst of thousands of other human beings. It is good to be young, to grow old, and to die. It is good to live with others, and to die with others. God became flesh to share with us in this simple living and dying and thus made it good. I can feel today that it is good to be and especially to be one of many. What counts is not the special and unique accomplishments in life that make me different from others, but the basic experiences of sadness and joy, pain and healing, which make me part of humanity.
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
What's Your Reason?
A few thoughts on why I chose the title I did for this blog...
At the end of last semester, when I created my blog, I was very frustrated by the divergence between my ideal and my reality. I felt as if I hadn't taken enough initiative in relationships, in the activities and issues that I care about, in life in general. I tried to write a post about it then but all I could get out was some rambles, a quote from The Reason for God by Timothy Keller (Sin "is seeking to establish a sense of self by making something else more central to your significance, purpose, and happiness than your relationship to God."), and this sentence: I have such a desire to live for something, to take hold of each day with purpose and intention.
Looking back at it now, I still feel inadequate. I'm still struggling with my faith. I'm still wondering how I can act on what I believe and bring about change rather than just intending to. Especially after my semester in Guatemala and Mexico, I feel more than ever the urgency to work for justice in a world where there's so little of it! But I also have a strange sense of peace. I'm not gonna lie, I tend to get uncomfortable when people go crazy with talking about God and quoting Bible verses and such like, but here's the thing: I want to work for justice and I want it to stem from a crazy passion for Christ! I want God to be my reason, my significance, my purpose, my happiness. Please keep me accountable.
At the end of last semester, when I created my blog, I was very frustrated by the divergence between my ideal and my reality. I felt as if I hadn't taken enough initiative in relationships, in the activities and issues that I care about, in life in general. I tried to write a post about it then but all I could get out was some rambles, a quote from The Reason for God by Timothy Keller (Sin "is seeking to establish a sense of self by making something else more central to your significance, purpose, and happiness than your relationship to God."), and this sentence: I have such a desire to live for something, to take hold of each day with purpose and intention.
Looking back at it now, I still feel inadequate. I'm still struggling with my faith. I'm still wondering how I can act on what I believe and bring about change rather than just intending to. Especially after my semester in Guatemala and Mexico, I feel more than ever the urgency to work for justice in a world where there's so little of it! But I also have a strange sense of peace. I'm not gonna lie, I tend to get uncomfortable when people go crazy with talking about God and quoting Bible verses and such like, but here's the thing: I want to work for justice and I want it to stem from a crazy passion for Christ! I want God to be my reason, my significance, my purpose, my happiness. Please keep me accountable.
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