Sunday, October 14, 2012

Choices

I'm not a person to pick favorites, but this fall semester so far is definitely near the top of the list.  In some ways it was hard to readjust to EMU after the summer, but aside from that I'm as close to thriving as I've ever been.  As my final year of college progresses, I've thought a lot about how I can give priority to things that bring me joy and give me life.  I've been busy, of course, but mostly with things that I love, clubs I care about, people I want to be with.  I dropped a class at the beginning of the semester because I thought it'd be more like busywork than something I'd actually take the time to engage.  Since then, there have only been a couple weeks when I felt TOO busy, or busy with obligations rather than things I really wanted to be doing.  I could still stand to improve my time management skills, but I've been able to take time to read, paint, bike, bake, and journal.  Spending time with my wonderful roommate has been so valuable, but I've had the opportunity to have my own space too (and I'm getting better at telling which one I need).

I've also been thinking about what life will be like when I'm not surrounded by the ready-made EMU community anymore.  That was one of the challenges of this summer, so I'm trying to be more proactive about reaching out to people to have dinner together or just to hang out.  There's a certain way I want to relate to the world, and EMU is a good place to practice.  Even small choices like using people's names when I say hi to them helps me feel more connected.

One thing I don't really feel I've had adequate time for is thinking about some of my longer-term questions or pondering the bigger thoughts I need to work through.  The time is quickly approaching when I'll need to make some choices about next year.  I have sort of a vague sense of the person I'd like to be in the future, but as far as the details of where I'll be and what I'll be doing... not so sure.  Those things seem less important anyway, even as they do carry so much weight right now.  I always feel I'm thinking too narrowly when I consider possibilities where I might be in five years, but I don't really know how to think creatively about all the things I could be doing.  It's hard to do anything but try to fit yourself into what you know is already out there.  In any case, I know I won't end up where I expected to be.  Which is intimidating but extremely exciting!

Just one great quote of many from a commencement address given by Bill Watterson, creator of Calvin and Hobbes:
"We define ourselves by our actions.  With each decision, we tell ourselves and the world who we are."

On that note, I've been asking people to make some kind of representation, whether it be a drawing, a list, a map, a timeline, a diagram, or something else, of their decisions.  Pivotal decisions that changed the course of their lives, everyday decisions about how to spend time or how to relate to the world, decisions that can now be clearly seen as right or wrong, decisions that are still somewhere more gray, and decisions that resulted in something unexpected.  If you have a few minutes and feel helpful, I'd very much appreciate responses from more of you.  What kinds of things do you decide?